Letters to Elwyn

Dear Elwyn,
I received your lovely letter this morning and let me assure you that it has been the bright spot of my day. There has been much ado in the household lately. Dear old Porter is the object of a questionable scandal here. Now you know because you saw him last August that he's as old as Moses and can barely get about. Heavens knows, all he does is sleep! Unfortunately that is not the notion of the McNulty's over on Elm Street.

Mr. McNulty marched over before 9 a.m. yesterday and began pounding on the door in such a ferocious manner that I was certain it was the fire department! Father had not really begun the day (he's been sleeping in a bit since his retirement) and the new custom of the house is to keep it rather quiet until Father's head is less "atrocious" (which is the way he describes it every morning. Auntie Mae says his head would be less atrocious if he pulled it out of the bottle which causes Mother to go around "shishhhing" us all). Anyway, the banging got Father up and about in a faster manner than he's been accustomed but what was worse was what was waiting for him on the other side of the door! Mr. McNulty began a terrible raving rant about, of all things, Porter! Evidently they have a "prize bitch Cocker Spaniel" who they've raised to show at the Kennel Club shows but all that's off now because she's expecting a litter of mongrels! And Mr. McNulty is absolutely certain our old Porter is the "pa"! Well the shouting and insults were flying to and fro at our front door until Mother could finally pull them in and calm each down enough to try to figure this out. Oh Elwyn, there must have been at least 10 people gathered on the sidewalk before poor Mother got them inside, all were smirking or outright laughing!

Mother made them both come to the kitchen and have some coffee while we heard Mr. McNulty's woeful tale. Evidently Porter has been spending a good deal of time in the McNulty's backyard and under their porch. Mother tried to perish that thought because Porter is so old and getting so lame. He practically sleeps around the clock and has to be shoved out of doors. Mr. McNulty said he wasn't "buying it" which cause Auntie Mae to gasp a little and remind him that that type of slang language isn't spoken in this house. Mother then asked Father if it is possible that Porter could be roaming about the neighborhood but Father was too busy glaring at Mr. McNulty. It appears to be a stand-off until their dog has her litter and as Mr. McNulty stated, "If any of those pups come out looking like liver-spotted, snaggle toothed derelicts, you will have some answering to do!" Father just waved him off with a "Bah!".

Mother called over to Mrs. McNulty at the more hour of 10 a.m. to have a more civil discussion but she was promptly told to please come and collect our Porter from underneath their back porch! Both Mother and I walked over as quickly as possible and there he was! Elwyn, I had no idea the old boy was living a double life. Mrs. McNulty was polite but frosty. Mother asked what was the time of their pet's confinement (??? which I gather means when she's going to have her puppies) and was told it was likely 2 weeks or less. Mother said it would be best to see the puppies before any more accusations are flung about. Then I had to haul old Porter out, which wasn't easy because he really didn't want to come and he's gotten so fat lately. He howled all the way home which made us something of a spectacle and Mother's "Shishing" didn't help one wit!

Father's been harumphing in the front room all morning and Mother and Auntie Mae have been sighing to each other in the sitting room. It's been quite the trying day until your letter arrived to break me out of the worry and the gloom. I'm please that you like your new position and find the work less trying. Please do continue to save as much as you can for our future, I think we may need be supporting a litter of Porter's offspring!

Yours truly,
Dot